


Growing

by orphan_account



Series: In The Bedroom Down The Hall [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ADHD in young children, Angst, Coming Out, Depression In Children, F/F, F/M, Finding your place, Fluff, Gen, Kiddos Being Dumb, M/M, Middle School, PTSD, Sexual Assault, anger issues, awkward things, sensory overloads, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Evie's first day of 6th grade isn't what she'd like it to be, but she has people by her side.
Relationships: Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen, Original Female Character and Connor Murphy, just read it - Relationship, original female characters - Relationship
Series: In The Bedroom Down The Hall [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838158
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. If We Do It, It's Together

(Warning: Sensory Overload in this chapter. Please be careful.)

Evie has always liked school.

She liked the smell and the people and the constant chatter, because the sounds around her drowned out her own head. Her head was a very loud place. It constantly felt like there was an itch she just couldn't quite get to, in her brain.

But the constant yelling got to the itch.

And then there was Alice- (she calls her Ali,) her best friend, or at least that's what she'd like to believe. Alice had a boyfriend, now, and his name was Drake. The most basic and also very old name. 

Who would _ever_ name a baby Drake?

She's always had a problem making friends. Seeing so much people was nice, and how loud it was was nice, but. 

Talking to people was hard.

Alice did it easily, because of course she did. Alice was Alice.

And Evie..

Evie was Evie.

Evie was dumb, ugly, gross, tall, skinny, lanky Evie.

Evie would rather be a princess, or a fairy in the clouds or anything else, anything else but what she was.

A dumb, basic human with absolutely nothing interesting about her other than the fact she could barely keep up a conversation. And when she tried to talk everyone thought she was weird. 

It _hurt_ , actually. Really really bad.

So she was in the library, rocking back and forth, trying her best to _stay calm stay calm stay calm stay calm_ because this is where she went when suddenly the comforting loudness was too loud, but somebody was clicking their dumb pen and it felt buzzy, she could feel it.

The sound was _so_ annoying.

She wants to tear off her skin because everything is just too much, and it's buzzy and gross and she wants to make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.

But it doesn't.

Evie likes school.

But she's starting to question why she ever has.

\---------

When Evie shuffles into the kitchen, that little growl on her face as she angrily sets her books down and groans, Connor knows what's up.

It's Evie. She's his kid.

"Eve," Connor starts, and he mixes the macaroni and cheese he's making. Evie makes this sound of disagreement.

"It was horrible. Alice has a boyfriend and I don't and she's so pretty and she's not- she's not, she never looks at me anymore! It's always ' _oh, oh, did you hear about what Drake did? Did you see Drake's abbs today?'_ And never if I had a good day or if I have a crush but I never will anyways because boys are gross and stinky and-"

Connor quirks his eyebrow up in amusement.

"Not you and Papa though, Dad. You guys aren't stinky. But like. I wanna be like that. But I'm too tall and I'm not pretty and then there's these stupid freckles and they're _horribly_ ugly, Dad, just look at them!"

Connor's becoming aware with Evie's extending vocabulary _and_ her problems with her self image.

He knows how it feels, seriously.

" Hunny, you aren't ugly. I know it might feel like you are, but-"

"You- You are being of no help!" Evie says, and she shakes her hands around a little. 

God, he needs to get her tested soon. She's been doing stuff like that since they adopted her.

She's tearing up.

"Aw, duck, uh- I made mac and cheese?" Connor asks, and he makes little jazz hands towards the pot.

She snorts, and sniffles.

"Okay, maybe a little bit of help."

And, okay.

He wants to get to the bottom of this. He's pretty sure Evie has a crush on Alice, and that she needs to get tested, and that she's _totally_ not straight but.

All those assumptions can wait for later, when Evan comes home.


	2. The Future's Looking Bleak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evie gets invited to a birthday party that Alice is going to.
> 
> She feels so gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Underage sexual assault (Not Non-Con, sexual assault.) Please be careful. Age gap, 6t6th grader and 8t8th grader. It's blatant grooming.

Evie would follow Alice anywhere, she's sure of it.

She would do anything, to be next to her. She loves her.

Evie just constantly wonders what type of love it is, though.

It hurts. Caring for someone so much and they don't even care about you.

Alice was slipping away, and slowly going to parties, so when she offers Evie to go with her to a party, what should she say other than yes?

Papa said that it would be good for her. That she should go and try to make a few more friends.

She guesses it's not that bad, as she drops her bag at the door and sits in the circle.

Alice was snuggling into Drake's arm, and she looked so happy next to him. So warm.

Evie wanted someone to be next to her like that.

More like she wanted Alice to like her. 

Like.

Like like her.

And Papa and Dad said that it wasn't strange to like girls, but. Everyone at school did say that it was weird.

Everyone is talking, and then there's a bottle between the circle.

Evie knows how this goes, she does. Somebody spins the bottle and then people go into a closet where they do stupid things like kiss.

It was dumb game.

She's _not_ doing it.

But then everyone is looking up at her as she moves to protest.

Alice looks disappointed in her. 

So Evie shuts up and sits back down, shrugging. Everyone huffs a relieved breath and one of the girls spins the bottle.

It lands on her and Drake.

Her and... Her and Drake?

No.

 _No_ , she's not doing this, she's not doing this, she doesn't want to kiss a boy, she doesn't want to kiss Drake of all people, because he was older and going to be a freshman soon and dating her kind-of-bestfriend.

"Come on. Trust me, Alice, we'll just sit in the closet till it's done, okay?" Drake says, and Evie is being pulled into the closet with this stupid guy.

The door closes.

Everyone starts talking. So loud that she can't hear her breathing.

"Hey, Evie. Uh, You're Alice's friend, right?" Drake says, and it breaks the silence.

She doesn't want to talk to him.

She doesn't even want to look at him. But it'd be rude, it'd be rude to ignore him.

She _wasn't_ rude.

"Oh. Yeah." She responds, and she tries to focus on the very little light poking through the cracks.

There's a pause.

"Since we're gonna be here for a while.. Do you wanna play a game?"

A game?

No, she in fact, does not want to play a game.

But she doesn't want to be rude.

"Sure." Her voice is croaky. Barely there.

"Okay. You gotta do everything I say, okay? And like. I won't tell anyone what happens in here." He says, again, and jesus freaking christ will he just shut it so this will be over with?

"Take your shirt off."

 _What_?

No. No she doesn't want to do that. Why would he need her shirt off?

She presses herself as far away from him as she can, and kind of fumbles with the lock.

Why isn't it working, why isn't it working?

He makes this throaty laughing sound like he expected her to respond with that. He grabs onto her arms and kinda pulls on her shirt, and the bottom buttons pop. 

She's kicking.

"Come on, just-"

"No, I just- No!" Evie pushes as hard as she can, as hard as she can manage but it just isn't enough.

_Why won't he get off, why won't he get off, why won't he get off, why won't he get off-_

His fingers are against her stomach and it's gross and so nasty and why isn't anybody hearing this, why is nobody hearing her?

One final push. 

He doesn't budge, and he holds onto her throat and _hard_ , and by now she's struggling with everything's she's got.

Isn't the 7 minutes over yet? Why aren't the 7 minutes over yet?

Evie pushes her knee up and hard.

He falls back, a curse of ' _shit_!' And everything goes silent.

Everyone heard that.

She fumbles with the lock and finally she can breathe, Evie can breathe and she grabs Alice by the hand and tries to rush her into the bathroom. 

Everything is so fast and shaky and there is still weight on her, she can feel it, physically.

There is still weight on her.

He's still on her.

Alice is looking her up and down.

"Are you okay? I know you hate small spaces, but-"

Evie is quick to grab on to Alice's shoulders. "No, I just, something happened and he was on me and he was forcing me and I couldn't get him off, he was so mean and can you just promise me you'll never speak to him again because he was so mean to me-"

She hears knocking outside of the door.

"One moment!" Alice says.

She turns to Evie. "You mean he tried to like.. Rape you?" 

_Rape_.

That's the word for what almost happened to her? But it wasn't like that, she doesn't understand, it was only seven minutes, how could something like that happen in seven minutes?

Evie thoughtlessly nods.

"Evie, are you serious? He tried to like, kiss you, probably. That's it. He's my boyfriend, why would you tell me that? My boyfriend would never do that to a girl."

Evie's quick to try to explain herself.

"I don't, he was just-"

"No! No this has nothing to do with Drake and everything to do with you. Why can't you just let me be happy? Are you mad that I found someone better than you?"

No-

"Just... Just leave, Evie. Call your Dads and leave. I can't understand why I was ever friends with you."

She walks out the bathroom.

Evie feels so dirty. So so so so, so dirty, she feels so dirty.

She fumbles with her phone.

"Papa? I need you to come pick me up."

\------

Evan picks up Evie from the party. He sees the kids peeking out from the window and the smiles and how hard the door shuts behind her and he _knows_ , he knows something is up.

She shuffles into the front seat and puts down the window.

Her two bottom shirt buttons are gone.

"Hey," Evan says, in an attempt to break the silence. "Are you okay?"

A sob rips through the silence. 

Evan notices that she's been crying more, lately but this. _This_ is much, much worse.

Evie is scratching at her skin like there's dirt there, and she has this pinkish color around her neck.

"I don't want to talk- to talk about it yet."

Okay. That's okay.

But whatever happened, it's bad. He wants to know how to fix it.

She looks so sad and _broken_.

"I wanna go home. I wanna go home,"

"Okay. Okay, we're getting home, Eve, just hold on a little longer."

He's thankful tommorow is a sunday, because this is not over.

Not even a little bit.


	3. Your Will to Live is Weak, but Hunny, Hold On For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 2 weeks since the incident.
> 
> She's getting better. Everything feels dull and scary and terrifying, and she'a lost everything, but she has family.
> 
> She has a family waiting on her.
> 
> She can stay around, for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Talk of past sexual assault, Therapy

Evie's life has begone to feel a lot like the weather.

One moment she was so innocent and bright and she still feels that way, sometimes, but it's rare. One moment everything was so silent and warm and fuzzy and perfect and now.

And now everything is raining down on here, like a storm. Everything is raining impossibly hard on her.

She doesn't know how to handle it.

She didn't go to school for the first week, and the second, it was horrible. Constant bullying and these stares and she couldn't even go to the library without getting nasty looks.

It was annoying.

And tiring.

And embarrassing.

All she wants, really, is a friend. Someone that'll like. her, even if it's just a bit.

She wants someone around besides her parents.

But that's okay. She only needs them.

Evie's never gonna let any kids her age in again. All of them are so terribly mean. So, _so terribly_ mean.

She wants nothing to do with them.

Papa walks her into the building, and he sits next to her and lightly explains what happened.

All the signs of 'ADHD', apparently.

The nightmares when she was a kid.

Those memories- of what happened before she belonged to her Dad's are pushed to the far back of her head, but they're there, and those memories aren't leaving.

She doesn't want to talk about it. Surprisingly, the therapist, Ms.Wick, doesn't force anything out of her. She asks about what she likes and doesn't and her favourite colors and everything along those lines.

Evie almost forgets she's in therapy.

Almost.

When it's all over, and Ms.Wick reaches out for her, and lightly, when she says ' _I'm so glad I can help you.'_ Evie has to hold back tears, because.

This is so intense.

Sometimes she wishes she never opened her big stupid mouth.

When they get home, Papa and Dad are both so cautious around her. Dad looked pissed when she told him- tried to ask for his name and his parents and that was what she was scared of, having to go to court and stuff like that because.

She couldn't go through something like that.

Evie told them to get the bonfire ready. 

They don't question why. They just get it ready, and Evie gets the clothes, the clothes she was wearing when the assault or whatever everyone else calls it and she walks out the door, sitting down on one of the logs. That's what she likes about her parents- they just _know_.

Both of them look at her as she throws the clothes into the fire and watches them burn.

Dad squints his eyes and then it clicks, and he lightly whispers. "I'm so proud of you, hunny. We're both so proud of you."

They're proud of her.

She made someone proud.

And for now, that can keep her going.


End file.
